We’ve all heard it before: “Appreciate the little things you have in life. Not everyone is so lucky.” Or some variant. Either way the point is the same.
I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that; whether it was my family or friends trying to talk me down from rash decisions or if it was me being the creepy creeper I am and eavesdropping on so many different conversations. It’s bound to be somewhere in the thousands.
I used to have a really hard time understanding that. I had to go through quite a bit to even get close to what I think is right. This is a very recent revelation. Unlike most of my other blogs, I didn’t take time to sit and think everything out and sort my thoughts for a few days. So be patient with me guys, this may not make any sense at all.
This morning, I’m sitting in the recliner with some terrible music on. Terrible, but I love it anyway. The sun is shining in through the window on my right effectively warming my soul. I’m relaxed with my morning iced coffee, I’ve got my cigarette. The squishiest loaf of a cat is (was) on the armrest to my left purring away (he turned into a dick and was banished). The love of my life is on the bed next to me taking part in his morning ritual, which consists of watching trashy YouTube compilations and ignoring his friends. God, I love him so much. It was in this moment that I realized that for the first time in my entire life I’ve discovered true happiness. I thought I’d experienced it before, but clearly I was wrong. This is the best feeling in the entire world. I couldn’t be more grateful.
This also brought me to another realization. This moment is fleeting, and I have to love it for all it’s worth and hope to every power that I never forget it. Having a history of depression, I know that this afternoon I could slip into a suicidal fit regardless of how perfect everything is. I understand that not everyone suffers from depression, but sadness can trigger in anyone. I’ve come to believe that this is just how life is. You just have to do your best to balance it and continue to strive for greatness.
If you’re depressed or sad right now and reading this, rest assured. It does get better in a sense. Patience is the key. Find the smallest thing you have that makes you happy and cherish in the small feeling. Yes, things are going to be hard, but it’s also going to be rewarding. Even if it’s in the smallest way. Happiness isn’t a cookie-cutter definition.
I used to believe that in order for me to be successful and happy I needed to pursue the traditional route. You know, the minivan, the husband, couple of kids, the white picket fence… It’s taken time, but I’ve realized that that isn’t what I want out of life. That’s not the setting I fit into. Maybe at one point, but I’ve learned too much about the world, and I know that in this day and age that isn’t possible. Instead, I’ve decided that in order for me to be happy, this is one thing I can’t plan. I need to take things day by day. In an ideal world, I’d love to spend the rest of my life with the man next to me, travel and see the world, maybe adopt and mentor a young adult a decade or two from now. I couldn’t imagine a better life. I love him more than I can find the words to describe the feeling I get when he smiles at me. Eventually I’ll find a way to put it into words, but I’m not rushing a thing. As long as I have him, the titles don’t matter.
So, my lovelies, I leave you with this: Right now, think about where you want to be in five years. Realize that two years from now, where you want to be in five years could be completely different. Shit happens. Forget about all that crap about how “you have control over your own life.” That’s bullshit. You don’t have control over a damn thing, all life really is is adapting and responding to a series of challenges thrown your way. You can’t control your life, but you can control how you RESPOND to life. Boom. There. I just saved you $400+ on a self help seminar.